Bad Luck comes in 10s

I am apparently out on the street tonight. What miserable luck!

I'M ALIVE!

Hey Kittens! It's your favorite cat, back from the grave.

At least I feel like it. I have a doozy of a cold - and I do mean a doozy. The works. Coughing, sneezing, sniffles. Yes, I do believe I have the sniffles. It knocked me cold two days ago. I slept about 20 hours.

But that's not what your waiting for, is it? You want to know what happened with the car accident. "Please, Jay, what happened?" "Are you alright?" "Did you hurt yourself?" "What did the doctor say?" "If I'd been driving I would have finished the job!"

Whoever said the last one can leave. Seriously, low blow. I almost cried.

Well, I seem to be fine, I think. Everything is still working (mostly). Any damage I have suffered was to my ego and my bike. That said, I have not been doing too well on my diet or study. I had been working more hours at work, sometimes upward of 60 hours a week. It became so easy to to eat at the local Subway (and even easier to eat at the LC*), And of course I wasn't exercising, at first because I was sore, and later because of entropy.

Entropy folks. That's defined scientifically as my lazy fat ass.

Anyway, things have not gone very well for this sexy cat, my friends. Not well at all. So much has happened! A whirlwind of suck. If the universe had agency, I'd accuse it of malfeasance. Then I'd kick it square in the junk and run off with it's girl. That's how our jurisprudence rolls here in "Jay Alan land." Trial and jury are replaced by dick-kickin' and girl-stealin'

I had been working a lot of hours and enjoying the fruits of such labors (more beer and a larger midsection) when i was told by my roommate that I'd have to move. That's right, Kiddos, your faithful narrator is being evicted. And while it's not with prejudice, it is a thorn in the tender paw of this majestic and beautiful lion. I want to say I'm being kicked out, but that's not exactly the case. I'm being asked to move.

And whilst lamenting the loss of very inexpensive rent and contemplating where I will move I get sideswiped by another zinger. I tell you, my sweet readers, I must have been a bad dude in my past life. Like, not Hitler bad, exactly. But definitely talking-in-theatres kind of dude.

Due to technical defect in my phone line, I was removed from my contract. The perils of workign at home. Now, friends , they don't know what's wrong, they just know something is wrong. The solution? Well, there is none, but the possible answer is a digital phone line. That's a hundred bucks a month plus installation, which my roommate is reluctant to take on (and Comcast isn't willing to just add it on to this months bill only).

So I am out a job. The word came down from my manager's manager. My boss was pretty peeved about it. And I am to. Now, i would never suggest some sort of vengeance thing, like teepee-ing a certain persons house. Never. But if any of you are poor and angry at the economy, and want to take it out on the filthy asshole that's responsible for this, let me.. Um..

No. Do not do anything to anybody. Certainly don't email me for his info. certainly don't treat him like a faceless statistic that I have become. And do not work for Kelly Services.

This job was going to pay for my move. Things like Rent, hooking up utilities, getting internet, and generally getting me situated to a new life. And now that's fucked like a drunk girl on prom night. Hard and probably without consent.

As you might imagine, readers, miffed is an understatement. I am downright pissed.

Now I am getting the runaround by Kelly Services. I'd say work anywhere else, but this economy is pretty bad, and people aren't hiring enough people to do anything about it. It's a bad time to be jobless. So I guess I pick the best lube possible.

I keep looking, but in about two weeks I will be homeless. And I mean really homeless. Not just the sort of punk-ass homeless I have been this year, living mostly on someone else's largess, but actual shit-in-your pants homeless.

But all is not lost, my kittens. I've been re-connecting with my inner artist -the one I gave up about 10 years ago**. I am rereading The Artists Way and following the program. I am reading the Art of Nonconformity and working on what it says. I don't really believe in miracles, but maybe an opportunity will come in the next 2 weeks.

And if not, I hear homelessness can build character and help with weight loss. Plus I can test my hand-jobs-for-cash hypothesis.

Cheers, Friends.

*The Little Caesar's, for those who are new.

** Thanks Hellion Fox, I told you I am trying. I want to write about this more. Maybe tomorrow.