Well, my lovely kittens, it's your unhelpful psychopomp of slack here. The last blog was apparently rather timely. I really was packing my parachute. Unfortunately it was still half full of anvils when I was booted out the door. Wheee!
Thankfully my workplace isn't so much a high rise office as it's a basement cave. So I didn't fall very far. Just sort of got dumped on my ass.
The reasons why are not terrible important. In other words I don't want to talk about it, unless I already have (which, admittedly, is most of you, dear readers). I will admit that I am in a sour mood today. Which is the perfect mood to discuss some bullshit.
We are going to talk about one of my least favorite phrases in business: "Value Added." I also hate any of it's combinations: "Add value, Adding value, extracting value, etc". It's a bullshit phrase.
Ever notice that the only people asking for more are the fucking takers? I first heard it when I worked for the fuckers at The Frantz Group. The lousy bunch of suit-wearing cocksuckers, I only thank them for two things. Chiefly, they made me realize I don't belong in cubicles or any place were I have to sell to others, and for making me read "The Accidental Salesman." Though honestly, I didn't absorb a word of it.
They told me that when I started that we need to "Add value" as if this is explains why people buy shit. What the fuck does that even mean? I thought. I understand the words. I understand the concept, I just don't understand what the fuck they are asking for.
See, marketing took that phrase from Economists, dressed it in a pretty pink dress, and raped it. In marketing, it means features and additions that add value but cost nothing. In short, value adding is bullshit.
The true meaning of "Adding Value" is pander to some cocksucker's bullshit.
Someone's got something you want (money, sex, or power, usually). They are the gatekeeper of your desire. So you kiss there ass and tell them how wonderful they are in the hopes that some of that MSP spills over and splashes on your shoes. That's it. That's value adding. And we love it because we can pretend that the person adding value gives a shit.
Let me ask you this? When's the last time a politician "Value added" to voters? Fuck all. We don't have what he wants. He wants money and power. And to get that power he needs to spend money. You wonder why politicians offer sweet kick backs to companies? They hope to get money from the companies. And companies spend money so that they can get sweet deals and turn laws in their favor. And yes, politicians "value add". They aren't spending their money, they aren't ruining their power-base by pandering to the companies. They got that money and power from us. We gave it to them.
Imagine for a moment if I went to a Wal-Mart and said "well, I want to buy this Candy Bar, but, what value can you add?" Assuming the employee's IQ is above 80 (and likely it is, given this economy), they would laugh themselves stupid. They'd tell me to buzz off. But we are handing out free products to celebrities. Why? These companies are not idiots. They know that the celebrity won't buy shit - they don't know how to use money. However, there are thousands of idiots who buy shit because some dumbass in a movie wears it. Seriously, are your David Beckham jockeys some how better than my 3 dollar Hanes. Really?
(As an aside, doesn't that sort of prove that for an economy to prosper then we need a lot of people with disposable income? I mean, if the rich having money helped companies, wouldn't they give away to the poor and sell to the rich?)
The reason nobody gives two shits about people at the bottom is that they forgot the power we have. It's our money, collectively, that drives the economy. Sorry if that makes the Rich feel bad and "breaks there feewings," but there it is. Sure, they worked hard to get where they got (sometimes), but they need to realize that working hard doesn't let you become a parasite and a dick. Maybe you should add some real value. Unless you are handing out small business gifts and fighting to stop egregious regulations on small businesses, your money is about as useful as Km Kardashian's marriage vows. (Is this too old a reference? It's the last pop culture bit I know)
But I digress. The point is, every cost is calculated. There is no such thing as adding value. Anyone who tells you to add value is being a greedy bitch. They are value extracting, and you can tell them to go right to hell.
Alright, few links in this one today. Less interesting, I know.
Next time, I might post on why I voted for Scott Walker because someone told me if I wasn't sure who to vote for, I shouldn't vote. Seriously, young people need to vote, but also need not be stupid. Most of them vote leftist because it's not the right, and worse than being undecided. But there's 3 more days. Right, Left - we're fucked anyway. Honestly, all we are voting for when we make the right-left distinction is which hand holds the dildo.
Edit: I just read Ms. Trunks "justifying stealing people's labor post." I am pretty riled up, and want to punch her dead in the uterus, but for now I'll just promise to rant on it.
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