Bad Luck comes in 10s

I am apparently out on the street tonight. What miserable luck!

I'M ALIVE!

Hey Kittens! It's your favorite cat, back from the grave.

At least I feel like it. I have a doozy of a cold - and I do mean a doozy. The works. Coughing, sneezing, sniffles. Yes, I do believe I have the sniffles. It knocked me cold two days ago. I slept about 20 hours.

But that's not what your waiting for, is it? You want to know what happened with the car accident. "Please, Jay, what happened?" "Are you alright?" "Did you hurt yourself?" "What did the doctor say?" "If I'd been driving I would have finished the job!"

Whoever said the last one can leave. Seriously, low blow. I almost cried.

Well, I seem to be fine, I think. Everything is still working (mostly). Any damage I have suffered was to my ego and my bike. That said, I have not been doing too well on my diet or study. I had been working more hours at work, sometimes upward of 60 hours a week. It became so easy to to eat at the local Subway (and even easier to eat at the LC*), And of course I wasn't exercising, at first because I was sore, and later because of entropy.

Entropy folks. That's defined scientifically as my lazy fat ass.

Anyway, things have not gone very well for this sexy cat, my friends. Not well at all. So much has happened! A whirlwind of suck. If the universe had agency, I'd accuse it of malfeasance. Then I'd kick it square in the junk and run off with it's girl. That's how our jurisprudence rolls here in "Jay Alan land." Trial and jury are replaced by dick-kickin' and girl-stealin'

I had been working a lot of hours and enjoying the fruits of such labors (more beer and a larger midsection) when i was told by my roommate that I'd have to move. That's right, Kiddos, your faithful narrator is being evicted. And while it's not with prejudice, it is a thorn in the tender paw of this majestic and beautiful lion. I want to say I'm being kicked out, but that's not exactly the case. I'm being asked to move.

And whilst lamenting the loss of very inexpensive rent and contemplating where I will move I get sideswiped by another zinger. I tell you, my sweet readers, I must have been a bad dude in my past life. Like, not Hitler bad, exactly. But definitely talking-in-theatres kind of dude.

Due to technical defect in my phone line, I was removed from my contract. The perils of workign at home. Now, friends , they don't know what's wrong, they just know something is wrong. The solution? Well, there is none, but the possible answer is a digital phone line. That's a hundred bucks a month plus installation, which my roommate is reluctant to take on (and Comcast isn't willing to just add it on to this months bill only).

So I am out a job. The word came down from my manager's manager. My boss was pretty peeved about it. And I am to. Now, i would never suggest some sort of vengeance thing, like teepee-ing a certain persons house. Never. But if any of you are poor and angry at the economy, and want to take it out on the filthy asshole that's responsible for this, let me.. Um..

No. Do not do anything to anybody. Certainly don't email me for his info. certainly don't treat him like a faceless statistic that I have become. And do not work for Kelly Services.

This job was going to pay for my move. Things like Rent, hooking up utilities, getting internet, and generally getting me situated to a new life. And now that's fucked like a drunk girl on prom night. Hard and probably without consent.

As you might imagine, readers, miffed is an understatement. I am downright pissed.

Now I am getting the runaround by Kelly Services. I'd say work anywhere else, but this economy is pretty bad, and people aren't hiring enough people to do anything about it. It's a bad time to be jobless. So I guess I pick the best lube possible.

I keep looking, but in about two weeks I will be homeless. And I mean really homeless. Not just the sort of punk-ass homeless I have been this year, living mostly on someone else's largess, but actual shit-in-your pants homeless.

But all is not lost, my kittens. I've been re-connecting with my inner artist -the one I gave up about 10 years ago**. I am rereading The Artists Way and following the program. I am reading the Art of Nonconformity and working on what it says. I don't really believe in miracles, but maybe an opportunity will come in the next 2 weeks.

And if not, I hear homelessness can build character and help with weight loss. Plus I can test my hand-jobs-for-cash hypothesis.

Cheers, Friends.

*The Little Caesar's, for those who are new.

** Thanks Hellion Fox, I told you I am trying. I want to write about this more. Maybe tomorrow.

Lose 1-3 HPs

I got hit by a car today. It didn't hurt too much when it happened.

Now I am sore as hell.

Before that I went roller-skating* for an hour, and rock climbing**.

Then I headed to the mall to get lunch.

Aside from the rock-climbing and being hit by a car. It was nice. Like it was 1952 and I was 14.

I don't think I was hurt too bad, but we'll see. I'm going to take a nap and study Russian.

* I did OK.

**I did poorly.

Rant: rated PG-13 for theoretical violence, blood, and language.

Oh Penny, why do I read you? You self-absorbed..darn, I promised to keep this site PG-13, and my name-calling is decidedly NC-17. Ok, Deep Breaths

Ok. So people are mad that she killed her cat, I guess. I honestly haven't been keeping up like you deserve, dear readers. I get my share of smug and self-satisfied at work. But , like I said readers*, you require something interesting to snark at, and I , your humble host, aim for the mark.

The things I do for you. All I ask is that you stay with me.

So she kilned a cat and everybody hates her. This is stupid. They shouldn't hate her for killing a cat. I'll get to why in a second. They should get angry at her for being a naive urbanite who spews pure self-importance and insincere profundity because "Oh Gosh, farm work is hard." Seriously, my dearest fans, we should invest in cars that run on arrogance. But then we'd have to send people into that gaping hole Penny calls a mouth. Nobody wants that.

I wonder if she talks like she blogs. If I had to sit next to her in line at the grocery, I'd stuff Clark bars into my mouth 'till I choked. Organic Clark bars, obviously

Thankfully we poor folk shop at Wal Mart, with occasional forays into the Mexican, Indian and West African grocers for cheap beans and meat. Since it it isn't a Whole Foods Organic Raw Unprocessed Natural Store where the fruits and veggies see a vegetable therapist, I doubt we'll meet.

Man, trolling is fun. I ought write about that. Or Vegetable Therapy. I think it's time we learned how veggies deal with death.

I digress. Back to the Topic. I ramble almost as much as she does.

She mentions that the post on killing her cat was actually about getting paid for a site she doesn't like. Christ, lady, where you a journalist. I learned in High School that you lead with the point. Don't ramble on about the morality of killing a cat when you just want to brag.

Killig n a cat is totally moral. My dad had to kill cats. They got this intestinal disorder where their intestines came out their back end. There's no technical term, or at least Google didn't have one. So he had to kill them. The hard way. We couldn't afford the vet. But we could afford something decidedly low-tech.

Is it easy? No. My dad cried like a baby while doing it. Watching him clutching the cat laying down and he just slid the knife.

But what was his option? Let it die in agony over the next few days? Soldiers know the mercy cut. It's moral. Don't say you don't know. More on that later.

Damn, I'm getting a little misty. and I am starting to seem like I'm defending her (OK, I am, a little). I'm not. Her blog post is mostly about the cat (interesting) and then in wonders into her wondering about morality (boring) and getting paid to link (more boring).

and then she gets a whole bunch of hate mail because of the cat, so she decides to write about that. So rather than tell the people around "fuck off," she grows pedantic and tries to teach us about diversity. As if a white girl from Madison knows shit about diversity.

I don't know diversity. Sure, I have had some diverse friends, but like most people I don't go out of my way to be diverse. I ask some of my friends about diversity. They are experts. They live and work with other cultures. but they didn't do it like a tourist. My friend Adam learned Spanish to talk to the cooks and bus boys where he worked.

I digress again. To get on track, I'll pour battery acid into my eyes. or read her blog again. It's the same thing.

OK, this post is getting long..

She a few good points, but she's a bitch about it. I don't disagree with what she did, it had to be done. But does she have to be so holier-than-thou, so passive aggressive, so...Madison, about it?

Also, people who treat pets with animals can be completely well-adjusted. Or they can be crazy. It's people with blogs that are universally whack jobs.

One last thing, Penny, dearie, you say that morality cannot be absolutely known. You sound like a liberal hippy-dip. You sound like Christians who claim that because we don't know stuff, god exists. I'd expect more of you, but honestly, I read your blog.

Just because we don't know absolutely what is moral, doesn't mean we are rudderless. I'll prove it to you (and use Godwin's Law, to boot).

Killing cats, Beating your wife or husband, Killing Jews.

Put them in moral order.

If we absolutely cannot make moral decisions - if morality is purely subjective and contextual, then -stay with me here, you are saying that in some context killing an entire ethnicity is morally superior to putting down a cat.

In what universe is this true? Maybe it's a space-angel cat?

OK, enough, this post is way too long as it is.

Studied Russian and rode my bike today.

Don't Vote For Me!

Don't vote for me

I saw that some of you voted for me to win. Ha ha!, you fools!* You have fallen for a classic blunder! That is, trusting a hedonist to do anything remotely willpower related!

I realized, while practicing iaijutsu and kenjutsu today**, that I am not the favorite. I shouldn't be the favorite. Don't vote for me. And then I kicked a squirrel. He was eyeing up my peach.

You ever watch dog racing? I watched my first dog race in person a few weeks ago. And I saw the desperate put down cash on a sure thing. Or on a dog that looks good.

I am the D-class race dog, inbred and three-legged. I wandered off the track while they were showing us, ate some grass, then threw it up. But I got a sparkle in my eye.

This is not a sign that I've got spunk. It's a sign that I have gas.
Don't bet on me.

A six-minute walk from a pizza place, a Chinese place, and two sub shops, I am absolutely doomed. A peach tree in my yard. This is Rocky Balboa (me) vs. Apollo Creed (junk food). And there isn't the embrace and love of the challenge at the end. Just a lot of whining for donuts.

This is rebels vs the Galactic Empire. they've got the death Hamburger, ans all I got is JekPorkins. And the only Force is the hypnotic smell of bacon.

The odds are gastronomical!

Today I craved noodles. Stupid Food Network. I shouldn't watch it. But the minute there is a Crack network***, addicts will be calling Comcast and Time Warner. The ketogenicdiet was making me crazy. I nearly cried when I found a package of noodles in the pantry. Totally forgotten. it was a sign.

That smell certainly isn't a red wine reduction sauce for spaghetti.

Back when I lived in Madison, I didn't have food places nearby. I lived with health nut, and for some reason I don't fathom I was working to lose weight. maybe lack of easy access, maybe a model of good behavior. Whatever it was, I don't have it now.

Now I admit I am completely unmotivated

I lost my harajuku moment.

Wow, this is a depressing post.

As soon as I figure out how to post pictures in a useful manner (not just at the top of the post), there will be kittens. This is my oath to you. Kittens and cupcakes. So many kittens.

I'd do fine if I had a private chef and personal trainer. Would that I lived in a magical land where that could happen. But clearly I am too pretty for that. And I bet the grapes there taste sour, anyway. ****

So don't vote for me. Yet.

All i can do is get back on the horse. Once I go 5 days without eating crap, That's when you should bet on me. Let me win a few races, first, then vote for me.

But go ahead and post a comment on how I can motivate myself. Because, as I posted on my blog in the past, accountability and tracking are working about as well as betting on the greyhounds.

Cheers

This will be posted in SIMUL-BLOG on my other blog. I promise to post there less.

OOH! Also, Penelope trunk has been writing a shitstorm of her, well, shit. So another rant is coming!

*Imagine me drinking a glass of wine lying on a couch, twirling my mustache when I say this. I am surrounded by minions, ready to do battle with the Hero. That's hopw I imagine it.

**Swinging a katana around furiously and semi-randomly while making "woosh" noises.

***Copyrighted, me, now.

**** Those pictures stolen from other places and used for parody purposes*****. Please don't sue me, I have nothing to take.

***** This is really getting out of hand.******

****** Now I'm just messing with you.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is it called Free Grad degree?

Originally it was how to get the equivalent of a Graduate degree without paying for it. Sort of a Good Will Hunting-esque endeavor. I got a bit sidetracked. I am still working on that, but it's taken a back seat. I'm a Gemeni. I flit from idea to idea. Or so my superstitious friends tell me.

IT ENDS TONIGHT!

The only person who will get that doesn't read this blog.

So it goes.

I may be MIA for a few days due to longer work hours, but I will tell you, I am tired of making excuses for bad behavior.

Looks like I have fans, but I am the only one who can hold me accountable.

So tomorrow I start doing so. Despite cravings, both psychological (habits) and hormonal (diabetes), I shall start the Slow-Carb Diet again. this may make me a cranky S.O.B. - OK, more of a cranky S.O.B- but I want very much to get back in shape.

One last thing. You know you've reached "That age" - and it can come at any time in your life, mind- but "that age" is surely here when you spend as much time psyching yourself up for a BM as you do going out to the club.

Cheers!

Promises Promises

So,

Penelope Trunk wrote this uninspired self-aggrandizing schlock the other day.

Seriously, it is only my desire to keep this at least somewhat legitimate and pleasant that I don't say more than simply, "That girl has cooties." Seriously. She has a cootie infestation.*

"Let's write about how being rich gives my dumbass kids opportunities you don't get and call it an uplifting and useful post.

OK, Penny, dear, let's do that

1. Get accustomed to trying new things:

To fins work you love, you have to try new things. I'm sure that works for some skinny white cootie-head from New York, but for the rest of us, we are a little stuck. You think that farmer bailing hay decided one day to just up and leave his big job in the city and become put on a straw hat?

That does happen, certainly, but for most people the choice isn't that easy. Most people settle. And that is OK.

Most of us have jobs, and lack the ability to just up and try new things. Time and Money -especially money, are short.

In addition, anything is fun for a day, or for 3 days. Do it for a year. Then tell me that you like it. And if you didn't, then you just wasted a year. And if you did, you might be good enough to do it professionally.

I'm not advocating not trying. I'm just saying, be realistic. Your mom isn't taking you out for a weekend trip to farmer Bob.

2. Don't think you are above prestige.

What does this have to do with anything. I know a guy, he's a bartender. Prestigious? No. But he loves it. He's good at it. Who the heck cares if he's famous for it?

In addition, I always thought writer meant "unemployed" and blogger meant "unemployed with an internet connection." I've met dozens of "writers" shucking coffee and pumping gas.

Find out what you like. Do it when you can. Who cares about prestige. If you like pumping gas, pump gas, talk about pumping gas. Pump gas so the angels weep. Pump gas so well that the hosts of heaven and earth will pause and say 'Here lived a great gas pumper who did his job well.'

The same goes for knitting or woodblock printing

In my case, I like Art, Drinking, Martial and Venusian Arts, and posting to my blog. I hate my day job. So what do I talk about, do you think?

Getting caught up in what other people think is madness. It devalues you.

Also, when I was a kid the answer wasn't smaller bales. It was "get stronger."

3. Seek to understand your impact.

This is apparently where she slid in a "boy am I special and so is my son" bit. I'll ignore her self-aggrandizing. I'll do so because I will probably self-aggrandize, too. It's fun to talk yourself up. Almost as fun as tearing others down. Which you shouldn't do.

Let me be clear, though. Your impact is much smaller than you think. You don't matter nearly as much as you think. And so what? I helped a guy decide what weight vest to wear once. That's fine. I don't need to change the world. I don't necessarily want to. Thinking that everything you do belongs in this grand beautiful narrative is to put it colloquially, lamesauce.

I don't know. Maybe I grew up in a different time. Maybe my upbringing had more to do with 1940s Americana than Post-9/11. But to me, it doesn't matter if it's important if 1) I like it, and 2) it needs to be done.

If you do your job well, you will make an impact. So worry about doing well, not impressing others.

I know, the argument against her last point sucks. It may be the best cliche of the bunch she throws at you. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut.

Do you want to do what you love? Well, if you are older than 16 and don't know, then I suggest you look at your hobbies. If you still struggle, listen to what you talk about. What sort of conversations get you animated? If you still have trouble, ask your friends what gets you animated.

And, god help you. If you still don't know, go to the library and get a book on something - anything, and keep doing it until you get excited.

And - this is the most important part - do it well.

I'll say that again. Do it well.

Forget impact, forget prestige, forget everything. Just do what you like well and as often as you can. And then tell everyone you can.

I don't believe in Talent. I believe what we call talent is enthusiasm plus effort over obstacles plus cost..

I'll give you an example: I will never be a Ballet dancer. I wanted to be one when I was younger. I loved the movement. But with legs that dwarf small trees and a fat ass, there were many obstacles to my career in Russia. Could I have become a dancer? Sure, I became a passable ballroom dancer in my youth. But I was never enthused enough to truly put effort into it. So it never panned out.

My friend Calvin is an Auto mechanic. He's very talented. I swear that he once laid his hands on my car and brought it back to life. He is a car Jesus. Was he born with any special talent? Not really. he just liked cars so much that no obstacle or cost bothered him. He now commands a very high salary, and can work basically anywhere.

And Calvin isn't the only one. I have many friends who found things that enthused them so much they became good. And then I've met people who followed who never quite did as well.

On to business:

Well, no one posted a comment last time, so the $5 will go into a jar. So now it's 10 bucks to the first comment if I don't stay on my diet.

Today was busy. I picked up supplies for woodblock printing and went food shopping. I didn't stay on my diet, however.

That's surprise one. I've decided to go back into Art. Looks like my Masters may be a Fine Arts degree. Well, I may still be unemployable, but at least I'll enjoy it!

Second surprise: I am moving to a different site. Not sure if It's a complete move or if I'll just post here and there in Simulblog!**. I'm new to blogging, so the whole scene is confusing.

Cheers

* I suppose egotistical snot is closer to the truth whilst still maintaining a soft PG rating

**That's copyrighted, by me. Use it and I'll SUE!

Late evening

I got in late tonight.

It's clear, kiddos, that I can't be trusted with a sack of cash, or a diet, unless I promise to give money to my readers

So here's the deal.

I shall give 5 dollars to the first comment if I fail to keep my slow-carb diet tomorrow.

I was hoping to rant about another blog I read, calling her all sorts of mean names and saying she has cooties, but that will have to wait until tomorrow afternoon.

So, I promise 3 things tomorrow afternoon: Slow-carb diet, 2 surprises, Cooties.

Stay frosty!

Evening's rant

Sorry, dear readers, I'm not posting anything much tonight.

The winner of the $5 challenge is: me. I stayed on my Ketogenic diet today. Roop-roop.

I am feeling a bit surly, melancholic and bellicose, so rather than bring everybody down, i'll just post a few things:

One, as Stephen points out: Being fat sucks because people suck.

I ate today:

Breakfast: 1 and 1/2 cups lentils

Lunch: 1 egg cooked in butter and a bowl of buttered vegetables

Dinner: 3/4 a lbs of chicken cooked in butter

Totals: 72 grams fat, 79 grams carbs, and 78 grams protein. Dietary Fiber soemwhare around 33 grams. 1444 calories.

Hardly seems Ketogenic. Just seems like I ate very little today.

Rode my bike leisurely for an hour.

Peaches. I hear from a very reliable source...

...that they come in a can. And that they were put there by a man, in a factory, downtown.

We have a peach tree in the yard. This makes sticking on a slow-carb diet a little harder.

Tomorrow is "cheat day," a phrase which lost most of it's meaning when I stopped the slow-carb diet two weeks back. I don't remember the triggering event. Maybe it was pizza. Maybe it was moon-men. I'll blame it on Moon men.

Moon men are total assholes.

Quick run down on what I ate today. I calculated carbs and proteins and such until my 2 o'clock panic and binge. I wasn't feeling particularly hungry or cranky. But I eat when I am stressed, bored, or simply out of some chthonic and inertial habit. My 2:15 cups of hot cocoa were a combination of all three.

Who in there right mind drinks hot cocoa in the summer in Florida?

Well, I wasn't in my right mind. Stressed from work, a little bored, and not paying attention, I drank 4 cups without noticing.

Most of my calories came in the morning. The day started out OK. Eggs and Lentils, 40 grams of protein, like I ought, at 8:30 am. Then sausage at 11 am. That was a little overmuch. Hitting 1000 calories before 12 am. But still ketogenic, so I should be OK, right? I'll eat less for the rest of the day, I thought.

Oh, Jason, you naive bastard.

By 1 I had drank 3 glasses of wine, and by 2pm, when I get off work, 4 cups of hot cocoa.

Screw it.

See, the thing about a diet or lifestyle change (Thanks, Tom, for reminding us they are synonymous), is that it requires some combination of time, effort, and money. And I really have not one.

Tim talks about being lazy and losing weight, simply by tracking data. But, being diabetic, my body doesn't play by the rules. It spills my coffee, takes my taxi, and gives me the finger.

So I sit on the curb, coffee-stained and late for weight-loss Friday at work.

The slow-carb diet works, but you have to be motivated or smart about it. Lentils are great, but damned if cooking them is a bit of a pain. And even so, I really can't eat that many. I need to keep starchy carbs under 100 grams. That means only 2 cups a day with other vegetables.

Anyway, dear readers, you may shame me for my over eating! That's supposed to work, right?

Maybe just send the space-bears from Mars to steal my women!

Hmm.. this was supposed to be more inspiring! OK, dear readers, let's try this.

What do you suggest as punishment for over-eating? Ave Marias? Flagellation? Space-bears?

The first person who comments will get $5 if I don't follow a slow-carb ketogenic diet tomorrow.

Another $5 to the funniest punishment, again, if I don't stay Ketogenic* tomorrow

Also, Tomorrow I make peach brandy liqueur. It's one of my electives for Free Grad School. Chemistry, or something.

Rather Depressing Day

I am finding that I am addicted to starchy carbohydrates. This isn't just a "put the food down" sort of issue anymore.

For instance:

My roommate, when he tries to quit smoking, becomes irritable.

I become irritable when I don't eat starchy carbohydrates

My roommate smokes when nervous, upset, or bored

I eat when I am nervous, upset, or bored.

I also sneak food, hide my eating (which this blog was supposed to fix) and obsess about eatign and nutrition (which this blog is a symptom).

Obesity is not a disease. it's a symptom of food addiction. "Just putting down" the twinkie works about as well as "just putting down" the cigarette. If you can, then great, you aren't addicted. . if you can't, it's useless advice.

Basically, the dopamine and seratonin receptors in my brain are acclimated to High fat, High Carbohydrate foods.

It takes three days to get over it. Unfortunately, this means I need at least 3 days off of work, because my work is stressful enough that, about halfway through a shift I need a carb fix or I will murder someone. I have no doubt that this is exactly what it is like for a smoker.

I believe (without any evidence) that everyone is wired to get addicted to something. In my roommate's case, it's cigarettes. In my case, it's food.

I was so angry at work today. I was struggling to remember solutions to common problems. I was struggling to control calls. I realize that some of this is beyond the scope of eating, but much of my issue stems from a lack of carbs. Once I ate a large portion of potato chips and drank some sugary cocoa, I was fine, productive, and well-adjusted.

This hostility immediately on a no carb diet, and after a week or two oon the slow-carb diet.

I went on a bike ride oday. I rode for an 2 hours today. That and Russian language lessons, are something.

There was going to be a big ol' rant...

..but I ate some peaches, killed my diet, and am calm.

Today, for Russian, I learned conjugation of the present form based on the regular verb "to fuck.*

Why? because I will remember conjugation better that way, from a word I plan to use often. :D

влядь!

Cheers

More info

This abstract discusses how macro-nutrients affect insulin secretion in people with type II diabetes. Basically, carbs cause a very large secretion, proteins a smaller secretion, and fats none at all unless paired with carbohydrates.

It doesn't include things like dairy, which have a low GI, but cause a lot of insulin secretion.

What this means is I can eat nothing. :(

I am kidding of course. It just means that, in general, I can't eat a lot of carbs (duh).

But I have to replace those calories somehow.

Suddenly, a poll!

My diet for the day:

Today I ate:

About 8 oz of chicken cooked in olive oil:

340 Calories, 16 grams of fat, 48 grams of protein, 0 grams of carbs

A single Roma tomato, sliced, and salted:

35 Calories, 1 Gram fat, 1 gram protein, 7 gram of Carbs, 1.5 dietary fiber.

8 oz of Kielbasa

720, 64 grams of fat, 24 grams of protein, 12 grams of carbs.

Total:

1075 calories, 81 grams fat, 73 protein, 18 grams of carbs (13 sugars)

And I drank about 16 glasses of water and rode my bike aerobically for 70 minutes.

This diet looks terrible! Hardly over 1ooo Calories! He'll go into starvation mode!

Well, yeah, I might on this diet. But it doesn't cause the swells of insulin and the crankiness of slow carb.

I suppose to avoid starvation mode I will have to throw another sausage on gthe grill, or another pound of chicken. Maybe I could add some few lentils, combining the diets. In this case, I'd add, say, 3 cups of lentils. That would add approximately 700 calories, 139 Carbs, 30 grams protein, and 15 grams of fat (from olive oil).

Adding meat would increase the cost of a days meals by about $2 but keep my carb count under 50.

Adding lentils would raise my carb count over 100g/ day and cost about a dollar a day.

At the top is a break down of each diet, including cost: one has plenty of dietary fiber, one is low carbohydrates: Both include the olive oil used to cook the foods and a price per day at the bottom, unlabelled.

OK, now on to the mind: Russian lesson!

Addendum

Tonight is Trivia. Not sure if our team is going.

If it is, it will be some time until I can work on my Russian.

If it isn't, tonight will be Russian study, and some reading.

I am taking the Russian slow right now, mostly because I am lazy. And remember, all this work is so I can get smart and fit whilst simultaneously being poor and lazy.

I worked out a rough guideline for Low-Carb vs Slow-Carb. I'll take my notes and turn them into a spreadsheet for you, dear reader(s?)

:

Memorial Day!

Happy Memorial Day!

Hello, dear reader(s?), I hope this day off is being well-used. I'd go on about the meaning, but you have Wikipedia and the internet, so I'll pass on repeating these cliches.

I am currently listening to "How to Live on 24 Hours a Day" by Arnold Bennett. Quite eloquent, he was criticized for his writing style by his peers

Anyway, I think back on when I lost quite a bit of weight, all eighty-five pounds of it, I ate very few carbohydrates at all. I ate only chicken, about a pound and a half a day, a spinach salad with dressing picked for it's low sugar content, and cucumbers and tomatoes with a bit of salt and cracked pepper.

Now I am trying a slow-carb diet. It is more difficult, but I am not certain why. I lose weight, of course, about 2-3 pounds a week. But I reflect that I am quite cranky after a few days of it, and I do not remember being so when I changed my diet previously.

The differences:

1) Lentils (The slow carbs). Unlike my previous diet, I am eating about triple the carbohydrates. Most of them are not the white, starchy carbs that cause the greatest weight gain. But they also contain sugars.

2) Cheat day. It shoots my insulin into the stratosphere, and makes the next day hell.

One, I think, needs a cheat day to ensure their metabolism. But perhaps I can cut it down to one cheat meal? 4HB suggests that it can.

3) Slow Carb is about $20 cheaper a week.

Unfortunately, I didn't track anything on my low-carb diet. I didn't pay attention to cravings while I was on it, nor when I broke off of it. It is about as difficult to keep up, and a little more expensive than the slow-carb diet. The slow-carb diet, except for cheat day, did not cause the ups and downs of insulin craving that come from a more regular diet. But then, neither did the low-carb diet.

I envy Tim Ferriss's money. I would love to go to a doctor and get some baseline numbers. I'll research options there.

Anyway:

Breakfast: 6 oz of chicken that had been cooked in olive oil

Snack: Salted roma tomato

Cold Bath Protocol

I'll keep you posted: I am going on a bike ride!

Cheers.

On Grad School and More on Food Addiction

I read Penelope Trunk's blog post on Grad School. I want to say I am inclined to agree with her. However, she misses one very important factor:

The job market is shit.
I have a job that doesn't even pay me enough to make payments on my student loans. I am not alone. Several friends are their, too. The idea of slogging in a bookshop or coffee shop, assuming they are even hiring, after slogging through four years of bullshit, doesn't sound fun for anyone.

And make no illusion, we need barristas and bookstore clerks. Somebody needs to pull the levels and oil the camshafts of society. Just ask Mike Rowe.

But that's not what people went to school for, now, is it?

Maybe it's a fools game, going to school for something less marketable than engineering. Might as well, I think, not even go to college.

Except for one problem: Ever apply for a job?

In this down-turned economy, only the shit jobs - the McDonald's, the Burger Kings, and the Subways, are hiring at entry-level.. And why would they hire someone with a degree when they can hire someone without one, and therefore no expectation of higher wage.

Every employer, including restaurants, want experience. But where the hell are you supposed to get experience if you don't allow entry level positions? Remember that job you had in High School waiting tables? That is actually more useful than your college degree in some cases.

Un-freaking-believable.

I read a job advertisement that asked for 40 years of networking experience. That was 3 years ago. That means you needed to work on computer networking in 1968

Yeah, I'm a part of the team that built ARPANET

News flash, companies. You don't need a degree to do 2/3rds the jobs out there. And for those of you say "but it teaches critical thinking and sticking to tasks.' So did High School, when I went there. And, 3 months on a job - the (0 day probationary period- will tell you if someone can do it or is a fuck-up.

I don't mean to swear, but running away from the job market may be stupid, but I contend "What Job Market?"

This rant is getting kind of long, so I guess I will just comment on that.

Go ahead, waste money on Grad School. By the time you are out, maybe things will look different.

I can't, I ain't got none to waste!

The world is changing. Work is no longer like our parents or our parents-parents. We are starting to work on project-based markets. But we still want these projects cheaper, unless you can market it with value-added services and subscription services.

Ugh. All that newsspeak made me vomit a little.

I realize this rant doesn't exactly belong here. I suppose it's about grad school.

Diet today:

Morning: Chicken

Fell Asleep, woke up in a diabetic fugue. Had an ounce of Olive Oil to cure it.

3 brats without buns

And... *sigh* 6 Little Debbie oatmeal pies.

I feel sick, but briefly it felt good.

If that's not food addiction, I don't know what is.

Anyway, I'll keep on keeping on.

I'll start the Flash Diet, where I photograph everything I eat, when I get a phone. However, shame doesn't stop me from eating like a Jackass, so I don't know what will.

Chrikeys. What a day!

Too much happened to go over it.

1) I tried to eat healthy. But the Pig Pickin' was too much for me. The Shealy Clan is awesome, however. Good ol' South Carolina mustard barbecue!

2) I looked into the Pool of the Moon, and didn't like what I saw.

Russian Lessons.

Since I have been slacking a bit, I decided to do a longer lesson today.

I'll have to practice, and many of my lessons involve speaking only, without any Cyrillic.

I may invest in a Russian-English dictionary so I can start recognizing written words and equate them with sounds.

*Actually, I found a site that will work!

Until next time!

Спасибо!

До свидания!

Science!

While we are not all as genetically perfect as Tim Ferriss, I think we can do it.

He also mentions, briefly, about conversational fluency, which is my goal with Russian.

he is right, though: Diet is the hardest part of the whole damn thing.

Here's the link to Tim's NEXT talk

Anyway, the flaw in the science is me right now.

I am really struggling to keep on the slow-carb diet.

So I am going to take a smaller bite of the elephant.

30 grams of protein, 30 minutes after waking up.

Rethinking the Challenge

Today will be interesting:

I am studying Russian in the morning, then rethinking my diet.

I'll keep you posted.

Today's eating

Today I had

1 Kabuki Roll

1Spider Roll

5 chicken wings

8 Amber bock

And I took 1 cold bath.

I am really sucking at this diet thing

Thankfully I am flat broke. So Aside from BBQ tomorrow, I am eating chicken and lentils.

I need to get back on the diet.

Failure to Launch!

Well, per my last installment, I am looking for a solution.

Despite drinking a bit last night, and eating late (I know! I know!)

I woke up ravenously hungry. I was quite out of my mind.

And then I did a dumb thing, I didn't eat. I just went straight to work.

Lots of bad habits today.

I also found this study

looks like nicotine and alcohol are good for weight loss.

Who knew? All the skinny drinkers and smokers, maybe?

I am changing my diet a bit. Significantly less carbs, even low carbs, and more vegetables.

Not that I have been paying attention to my diet anyway. :D

I have a new reason to lose weight.

Stupid Hope. :D

Last night was pretty awesome.

It was my Birthday

So I took the day off from exercise.

I'd add "and dieting" but given the past few days, that's not the case.

Cheers.

We now know a thousand ways not to build a lightbulb.

I normally don't like to quote Edison. But that's the most positive spin I can put on today.

I reflected as I went to my local cookie-dealer to score some second-rate chocolate chip cookies. I'm not part of this "obesity" is a disease crowd. I more of a Ricky Gervais fan when concerning fatties like me.

However, it's more complicated than that. Our brains are pretty crazy.

We say "just don't eat." or "put down the fork."

Truth is, our brains are wired to like Seratonin and Dopamine. That's it. That's all we like.

Our brains are chemically dependent on these, too. If people have less dopamine receptors, or uptake seratonin too fast, then you need to replace it so you feel "normal"

A study found that rats exposed to too much fatty food have less dopamine receptors than those rats not exposed to human foods. When taken off, it took them too weeks to normalize.

So, very much, you can replace food with cigarettes and it's the same story.

I have never had a problem with cigarettes. I smoked for two years, then just quit. Easy-peasy. no cravings whatsoever.

"But!" I hear smokers cry, "I have been smoking since I was sixteen! You only smoked two years."

Publish Post

Well, yes, but I have been overeating for nearly 30.

And Ricky says you gradually build up to that weight, and he is right. Just as we gradually go from a sigarette here and there to a 2 pack a day habit. Same with Alcoholics. they never start thinking "I'm going to drink myself stupid every night."

Now, i won't argue that I'll put down the burger when you put down the smokes. I don't care if you smoke. I am just informing you that food is a drug, just the same. It affects how your brain works.

The last time I changed my diet, I ate right for about 2-3 weeks before I got used to it. During this time I was cranky and slept a lot. I was unemployed. It took only a few days of overeating to return to the old ways.

I think that's why a habit takes 21 days. It seems that's about how long it takes your brain to get chemically used to it.

And during that time, any excuse to indulge is acceptable.

When I got to my dealer, he had discount pizza rolls. So what the hell, right?

I remember my first pizza roll. It was free. The first one is always free. Pretty soon you are giving hand jobs in the alley for McDonald's gift certificates.

Anyway, I'm hopped up on dopamine now, so I am going to cut this short.

I was going t wax philosophical and practical on the causes overeating, but isntead I will leave you with this:

1) I need a solution for my overeating. "Just stop" and "just accept" are not satisfactory

2) I have several friends who drink more than they eat. One, in particular drank quite a bit one day. i asked him what he had eaten that day, he said "A glass of milk." Likewise, my friends who smoke also tend not to eat. So maybe I should take up smoking and drinking?

Lunch

Well, I get a lunch today I work.

That's nice, I suppose. I'd rather go home a half hour early.

Lunch today:

Instant Potatoes

700 calories

I am finding that fatty foods fill me up more, regardless of calories.

I wish I could find information on why.

Obviously one reason is that it doesn't provoke any insulin response at all. So my body's insulin levels never are raised. But aside from that, I can't think of a reason.

I miss pizza day.

Looks like someone had a "case of the Mondays"

"I believe you'd get your ass kicked saying something like that, man" -Lawrence. Office Space

I have a serious case of "the Tuesdays." That's when at the end of "the Mondays" your immune system creates Sarcasmochondria and Cynicalia cells to combat the flu-like symptoms.

They say nothing worth having comes easy.

I think we should punch them and take their stuff. That'd be pretty easy once we find who "they" are. And it would be totally worth it.

It's come to my attention that my goals might not be realistic enough. Perhaps. But I have not figured out what goals are "realistic," meaningful, and not tedious.

Just read "The Dip" by Seth Godin. It was kind of useless. It is filled with cliches and platitudes about when to quit something because it's not working out. Not a lot of specifics. In fact, it's points on when to quit are suitably vague. Is something becoming hard because it's hard or because it's a "dip", that is, the low point after the honeymoon of beginning a project has worn off.

I am already hitting my dip.

This morning:

1) 700 ML of ice cold water

2) 2 oz of Treet

131 calories 11 grams of fat, 3 of carbohydrates, and 6 of protein.

Because life is hard, unless you look like this:*

Then you get the world handed to you. Often by sad, pathetic men.

*Be thankful that I did not post her Youtube channel. She gets about 1 million views on each. I certainly cannot understand why. /sarcasm.

Well, this is not boding well

This is not profound but:

Damned, this is coming difficult. I am quite poor at this.

Well, I suppose I shall try again tomorrow.

Monday Afternoon

I was feeling light-headed so I had, a bit after 3

5 egg whites and a whole egg.

185 calories, about 31 grams protein, and 8 grams fat.

i also had a bit later - 1 slice of white bread.

90 calories.

The white bread is proscribed by my diet, but i fins I have to occasionally eat some.

I didn't get a chance to cook more lentils, so I had to improvise.

Tonight I will be drinking a lot of Diet Coke at trivia. Diet Coke is proscribed in large doses, but otherwise I am the guy who is drinking water all night. Poverty and Dieting do not go well with a social life.

The frustrating things is that diet is supposed to be the main thing that prevents you from losing weight. I may have reached my homeostatic limit at 50 lbs overweight. What a horrible thought.

Monday Afternoon

the work database went down, so I made lunch.

A bout 8 oz (perhaps more) of Chicken, cooked in Balsamic vinegar with a bit of oil.

400 calories, 50 grams protein, 3 grams carbs, and 12 grams fat or so

It doesn't look like much. Just chicken.

I'm going to practice Russian grammar tonight

Also, I have trivia

-

Monday Morning

Monday Morning:

Woke up at 8:10am

All numbers are approximate:

1) Drank 700 ml of ice cold water

2) took my morning ice bath

3) Ate about 195 calories of eggs and lentils at 8:50am

185 calories , 26 grams of protein, 11 grams of carbs, 3 grams dietary fiber, and 10 grams of fat.

4) Was ridiculously hungry, so about 10:15am I ate a 1/2 cup lentils

130 calories, 10 grams of protein, 22 grams of carbs, 6 of dietary fiber, and 4 grams of fat.

I was going to post pictures, but my camera is out of juice and I don't have an SD slot for my computer otherwise.

The cold showers and cold drinks increase my hunger dramatically. Which increases my crankiness to high levels. Then I have to go to work. Helter Skelter, man, Helter Skelter

I didn't sleep very well. I tried to go to bed early, but I was having a lot of pain in my leg. Two Aleve later. the pain had reduced sufficiently for sleep to arrive. I woke up about 3 times last night.

As my birthday nears, I feel very old, and I am reminded of this bit buy Louis CK.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzEhoyXpqzQ

Plans FAIL!

Remember my "Homer Simpson" levels of self-discipline?

Yeah.

I am taking a nap.

I suggest shaming me in the comments, so I learn from my mistakes.

Change of Plans

Well, A discussion of Politics lead to drinking. So I blew my fast, and I didn't get to take my first cold bath.

I am reaching Homer Simpson levels of self-discipline.

The plan is still the same, just after work. And, in all likelihood, a nap.

Oh the perils of fermented grape! Parents, keep your children from it!

Sunday Morning, Coming Down

A few things. Despite a week being Friday to Thursday, I've decided to not go on facebook for a week. I am becoming polemic, and arguing way too much. In addition, it's a distraction from what I should be focusing on.

I didn't get to take a cold shower this morning before work. I overslept. If this process is going to work, this needs to stop. I will take a shower during my long lunch today

I have been assigned extra hours at work. this means I will be less broke, but also have less time. I am already constantly distracted from getting work done, so I guess I will have to work harder at focusing

I am available by email and by phone, and since this is my schedule, I will update my blog. comments related to blog content are welcome. If there is a typo, just email me.

Todays Schedule:

9:00 am to 1:00 pm Work

1:00pm to 1:30 pm Cold Shower 1

1:30 to 1:50 Russian study

2:00 pm to 4 pm: Work, part II

That's as far as my schedule goes today.

I would like to work on my book, read another book, and study some Spanish.

Notice I haven't posted anything about eating. Despite negative affects of fasting on my metabolism, my whole body feels sick, so I am skipping eating today. This will not become a habit. Also, most of the data about fasting comes from pastors and religious types, which makes it nearly worthless from a medical standpoint.

Tomorrow: I am going to try something new.

I realize I probably eat too much.

I am considering cutting down what I am eating by about 25%,

So instead of 8 oz of egg whites, I'll try 6 oz.

And instead of 15.5 oz of lentils, I'll eat only 12 oz.

So instead of about 2100 calories, I will be eating 1600.

For those keeping score

Since I started this blog:

Amount of money spent:

1 week of B12 $.75

1 cup of coffee $2.79

Weight lost: 1 lbs

Since Thursday is my cheat day, the "week" is Friday to Thursday.

What I got done today.

Today I finished the Apology of Socrates. Nothing new, really. I had known these arguments from philosophy 101, when I had read it previously.

I also worked on Russian. I did not get very far. I can say about 4 things in Russian. Which is more than yesterday.

I tried to study at the bookstore, but they replaced the coffee shop with a damned frozen yogurt stand. The music they played was terrible; I think it was pop. I was desperate to listen only to the Audiobook. the volume of the music made that difficult. then a gaggle of kids showed up, shouting at each other over the damned music.

So I moved over to the food court, found the farthest corner from everyone, and suddenly I was surrounded by extremely rude employees of the mall, for whom talking loudly was not enough. They also decided bumping my table and my chair was also appropriate behavior. it wasn't like I was reading, or anything.

for those of you who say "You were at the mall, what did you expect?" I say "Honestly, a coffee shop in a quiet bookstore."

In addition to Russian I started parsing Spanish grammar. I also wrote an outline for the first chapter of my book.

It has been brought to my attention that the message is lost if the medium is incorrectly used. I shall attempt to use online resources to learn to type. I do hope you realize the sacrifice this means. All typing lessons are tedious. No matter how many dancing teddy bears and smiling anime cats they put on the screen, they cannot seem to get around the fact that all you are doing is pushing jkkjffdd for minutes on end. I'd rather get mauled by badgers.

This post probably took me a half an hour to write, just so you are aware of how long it takes for me to type.

Weight Loss for the poor and lazy.

OK: I said this blog would be about doing two things on said shoe-string budget: getting the equivalent of a Graduate Degree and losing 50 pounds. I've dicussed the "learnin'" but not weight loss.

I am extremely lazy. I like short cuts. Thank god for Tim Ferriss.

I follow, somewhat religiously, the tenets of Tim Ferriss's 4-Hour-Body. In it, he talks about reducing core body tempurature to help burn calories.

So my day starts with an ice-cold bath to induce shivering.

Basically I fill up the bathtub with cold water and lay there for 20 minutes. Is it as cold as the Ice Baths Tim used? No. But I find it is effective and, more important, relaxing. I can daydream about what I plan to do with the day or meditate. It is extremely soothing. Plus it helps keep my depression in check and energize me.

Then I lie down with a fan blowing on me while I air dry. The evaporatign water increases the cooling effect.

And studies of Thermogenics seem to suggest that it helps burn fat and tone muscle.

And it's safer than many of the supplements.

I also take B12 to boost my metabolism. It's about 12 dollars for 4 months. Or about $.75 a week.

I also take Juice Plus, mostly because my diet lacks a lot of micronutrients found in foods.

Has it worked? Well, my measurements are crude, but I have noticed that my arms and legs have greater tone without any exercise. I have also noticed that on my cheat day, I tend to gain elss weight - 2 lbs instead of 6. It could be placebo, but it's enough to keep it going.

OK. Russian learned. Outline drafted for my book.

Despite not being particularly productive today, I feel very productive.

Which, I suppose, is something.

Thoughts on Metrics - Undergraduate

So here's the first thing I'll admit, albeit sheepishly. I never graduated Undergraduate College. In addition to having to work, personal problems had a lot to do with it. So I figure we'll have to start there

I am 61 Credits from an Undergraduate degree. I am 15 credits from an English Major and 18 from a philosophy major. Given what i want to study in Grad-school, i am thinking about doinfg Art History/Philosophy/History. I'd do something in the hard sciences, but it is more difficult to pursue sciences without labs and teachers.

I have not passed a foreign language requirement. Aside from that I have all my Core requirements.

This means I need 24 Credits of History, 18 Credits of Philosophy, and 24 of Art/Art History.

A 3 credit hour class, according to my Prof friends, requires a textbook and about 1 300 page book for the entire class, takes up approximately 38 hours of lecture and 38-50 hours of at homework/study time per class. It also requires a long final, some quizzes, and 2 pepars of 5-6 pages in length.

I can't really test myself unless I get copies of tests from teachers. I can write papers, but how will they be graded?

I am going to start with the accelerated model. We are going to take one class at a time for 2-4 weeks. this means I will take 4 "classes" per semester. In addition to the single class, I will be studying a language, reading from St John's College great Books series, and reading from my free reading list. Overall, I expect this to take up 25-30 hours a week.

Next week I research colleges and grab syllabi from teachers, find class lectures posted free online, and research the degree path.

Oh, my focus of Grad School will likely be religious Iconography in Orthodox Russia or In Reconquista Spain. *Shrugs* O rmaybe something else entirely.

The First Day, Or, "Boy, I am glad nobody's reading!""

This is the first blog entry, and I will start with a confession. I am a terrible typist.

My rough drafts of anything are miserable. and, despite feeling like a unique and beautiful snowflake melting in the oppressive Florida sun, I am not all one.

If I write ten words, expect 5 errors, at least.

This does not behoove well for this project. After all, a Grad student should be able to type, yes?

The expectation I have is that as I type more, I shall shake this monkey off my back.

So, the first day of a new project. No one is watching me yet, so I can't be shamed into success. But the premises of this blog is simple:

Can one get the equivalent of a college masters education without spending a dime? Can one also, by spending very little money lose 50 lbs?

Too complicated, you ask? Why not have a blog dedicated to just one thing?

That's why it's called What's He Building In There? The "In There" implies inside me, what changes are going on to build a strong mind and a stronger body?

I guess some basic premises are in order:

I can spend any amount of time working on projects related to this, but I must post what I have done that day on this website.

I am not allowed to spend more than 100 dollars a week with a coffee budget of about 20 dollars, and a food budget somewhere around 50 dollars. Less is preferable. Any money donated to this cause can also be spent. All money must be accounted for.

I think that's it for today. We will be taking baseline measurements, but some won't be very accurate because of the expense of the tests. We will also be outline what a Graduate degree means in the next day.

So as today is not merely an announcement of intention, here is today's schedule:

6:30 pm until 7:33pm: Set up this blog. (Free)

7:33 to 6:30 pm: Download Russian Podcasts and a the Book: Apologies of Socrates (Free)

now I am off to Starbucks to organize my thoughts. I tend to use notebooks to do this.

OK, so I didn't quite get to Starbucks. I got to Walmart for some supplies

I organized some of my metrics.